Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: allah, career, dependent, girls, independant, marriage
Filed under: Islam, Uncategorized | Tags: allah, back biting, backbiting, gossip, haram, Islam, muslim, namima, slander, stop in the name of allah, stories, tips, women
Aunties do it a lot. GIRLS and women do it a lot, I mean, we’re famous for it. It’s one of the reason’s there will be more women in jahannam than men.
And the scary thing is that the punishment in the grave is hardened because of that act. Gossiping, slandering, backbiting, telling false tales… etc.
It’s called namima. I tried googling it, but I can’t find anything on it.
I can’t think of a single gathering where women don’t talk about other people, well except for Islamic gatherings. That too, only during the halaqah. Once it’s over, you hear “Oh did you hear about her…” everywhere. And the story spreads like wildfire. And of course… everyone adds a little bit of salt and pepper to the story and once it comes back to the one who started it after passing through the ears of a hundred others, they have a completely different story in front of them. And then problems start.
“Oh I told her this and she went and told her that and she LIED to her. She told her a completely different story! I can’t believe her!”
Silly thing is, even after hearing an extremely POWERFUL talk on backbiting and gossip, these women go back to gossipping after a few days. I mean… didn’t it affect them in the least? Don’t they KNOW of the consequences they’ll have to face.
At the same time, when you have family members who DO gossip, right in front of your face, but you can’t say anything to them because you’re afraid of offending them. Your mother, for example. I hate it when a particular aunt of mine calls my mom all day just to gossip and pass on stories. And no matter how many times me and my brother remind her it’s wrong…
If women didn’t talk about other people, then really, they’d have nothing else to talk about.But then again, shut up if you can’t say anything good!
It’s hard to train your mind and tongue. But when there is a purpose strong enough behind it, you should be able to do it. The purpose is: the Akhirah. Remember, that’s what you’re living for and everything you do in this life is going to affect you in the Akhirah. The tiniest of actions will either help us… or bring us to doom.
Some tips that I’ve used on myself:
1. Learn. Learn what Islam says on gossip and backbiting. It’s VERY important to learn. Ask someone, look it up on the net. Anything. Make sure you know what it is. People who backbite don’t realize they’re backbiting because they don’t have a definate defination of the word b-a-c-k-b-i-t-i-n-g.
2. If you EVER start to talk about someone… pause. Stop and think. Maybe I hate her, but will she be happy that I said something like this about her? Would I be happy if someone said that about ME? If not… THEN STOP RIGHT AWAY!!!!! Like this:
Stop! In the Name of Allah...
3. Remind your friends when they start gossiping. It’s easier to tell friends to stop than it is to tell family members.
4. Remember of the punishement in the grave everytime you’re about to start backbiting. A few moments of pleasure will be replaced by several (hundred? Allahu A’laam) years of punishment.
5. Don’t add salt and pepper and sometimes sugar and masala (hot red pepper!) into stories. Better yet, stop telling each other stories of what happened here and there. If you want to tell stories for educational purposes (for moral), make sure you narrate the story in the same way it was narrated with you. I always hear stories… being passed on (mother to aunt, aunt to mother) and believe me, they REALLY change half the story around.
6. I forgot.
Maybe we should take lessons from men and talk about sports and cars in our gatherings instead. Or cooking and sweing…? Maybe not.
Filed under: Islam | Tags: allah, choice, death, decision, destiny, faith, heaven, hell, Islam, jannah, naseeb, predestined, qadr, religion, why do things happen
Which Way?
This was a question I asked my teacher… and this is the reply I got. I thought it was REALLY helpful so I thought I’d post it here for others to benefit from.
Can you explain the concept of naseeb and Qadr? Lines such as “If it’s in your naseeb, it’ll happen, if it’s not, then oh well TOO BAD” are often repeated. And you also hear people say that before we were born, our fate has been decided, either we’re destined for jahanam or jannah… And it doesn’t sound right to me because if our destiny is already decided, it wouldn’t be our fault?
What you are asking about is a very simple, basic and important thing which Islam, unlike most other religions, have made so clear, but subhanallah sooooo many Muslims do not understand it, or worse they don’t want to because pining everything on fate and destiny is much easier than facing the consequences of our choices.
OK now let me try to put it in the simplest ways:
First: fate or predestined events has two types-
- One: events that you as a person have no control over what so ever i.e. natural disasters, certain illnesses, life and death, marriage, sudden financial trouble etc… these types of events are trials from Allah swt for one reason or the other and as any other test we have the choice to fail it by kicking and screaming or to try to score as high as possible by seeing who is behind that test and trusting Allah wisdom and reward.
- Two: events that you as a person have control over.i.e. making the right choices in every situation (work, studies, friends, choosing the right partner for your life, commitment to the values Allah taughtus in every aspect of our life, etc…). In these cases we have the FREE will to do what we wish. wrong or right, Allah swt gave us the ability of both. for example, there is no such thing as “well, if Allah want me to be good, i will be!” or “if Allah want me to go to college i will no matter what!” there is no doubt that if Allah want something to happen it will, but that is not how Allah told us things work. He swt said ” you do your part first, every last bit of effort, then rely on Him for the results”.
Second: Islam is a positive religion that does not like for a person to be lazy, or blame everything on fate and shaytan, but in the same time it provided a backup plan for when a person falls short in doing his/her part. So, in order for a person not to fall into despair and wallow in self pity after a failure, Rasulullah (pbuh) taught us that you have to do two things:
- First: learn from your mistake, and promise Allah that it will not happen again Inshallah.
- Second: then and only then, remind your self that all things are in Allah’s hand and if he allowed what had happened it is for a reason and that He was able to spare you the trouble but He chose to let you experience what could be a lesson for you.
Most Muslims mistake two things together: Allah’s making the decision for you, and Allah knowing what your decision is going to be. there is a big difference between the two. Some people tell you, like you said, “it is written for you”. That is not true except in issues that you have no control over as I previously mentioned, but for every other thing, what is written is Allah’s knowledge of YOUR decision. Since you know that for Allah swt there is no past present or future. Allah’s knowledge is encompassing, not limited by time or place. Allah swt knows what OUR CHOICES are going to be and that is what is written. So when you are tried with a certain choice (i.e should I tell the truth or lie to get out of trouble?) Allah swt knows what your choice is going to be and his knowledge is never wrong and YOUR choice is what he wrote, but he did not make the decision for you.
I always give people a simple example to explain the whole concept: If you have a friend that never keeps a secret and you told her something (as a secret), and because you know her very well you bet another friend and that she will hear it soon (from the first). When what you had expected happens, and your entrusted friend tells your secret ask your self “did your knowledge of her inability to keep a secret, in anyway, affected her decision to tell?” of course not. She, on her own, decided to tell knowing that she was entrusted.
About the same thing applies to us. Allah swt KNOWS what our choices are going to be and that is the only thing that is written (again remember that this applies to anything and everything that we have any say in and not things completely from Allah and out of our control),
I hope that I have answered your question.
