Scattered Pearls – لُؤْلُؤًا مَّنْثُورًا

Aunties do it a lot. GIRLS and women do it a lot, I mean, we’re famous for it. It’s one of the reason’s there will be more women in jahannam than men.

And the scary thing is that the punishment in the grave is hardened because of that act. Gossiping, slandering, backbiting, telling false tales… etc.

It’s called namima. I tried googling it, but I can’t find anything on it.

I can’t think of a single gathering where women don’t talk about other people,  well except for Islamic gatherings. That too, only during the halaqah. Once it’s over, you hear “Oh did you hear about her…” everywhere. And the story spreads like wildfire. And of course… everyone adds a little bit of salt and pepper to the story and once it comes back to the one who started it after passing through the ears of a hundred others, they have a completely different story in front of them. And then problems start.

“Oh I told her this and she went and told her that and she LIED to her. She told her a completely different story! I can’t believe her!”

Silly thing is, even after hearing an extremely POWERFUL talk on backbiting and gossip, these women go back to gossipping after a few days. I mean… didn’t it affect them in the least? Don’t they KNOW of the consequences they’ll have to face.

At the same time, when you have family members who DO gossip, right in front of your face, but you can’t say anything to them because you’re afraid of offending them. Your mother, for example. I hate it when a particular aunt of mine calls my mom all day just to gossip and pass on stories. And no matter how many times me and my brother remind her it’s wrong…

If women didn’t talk about other people, then really, they’d have nothing else to talk about.But then again, shut up if you can’t say anything good!

It’s hard to train your mind and tongue. But when there is a purpose strong enough behind it, you should be able to do it. The purpose is: the Akhirah. Remember, that’s what you’re living for and everything you do in this life is going to affect you in the Akhirah. The tiniest of actions will either help us… or bring us to doom.

Some tips that I’ve used on myself:

1. Learn. Learn what Islam says on gossip and backbiting. It’s VERY important to learn. Ask someone, look it up on the net. Anything. Make sure you know what it is. People who backbite don’t realize they’re backbiting because they don’t have a definate defination of the word b-a-c-k-b-i-t-i-n-g.

2. If you EVER start to talk about someone… pause. Stop and think. Maybe I hate her, but will she be happy that I said something like this about her? Would I be happy if someone said that about ME? If not… THEN STOP RIGHT AWAY!!!!! Like this:

Stop! In the Name of Allah...

3. Remind your friends when they start gossiping. It’s easier to tell friends to stop than it is to tell family members.

4. Remember of the punishement in the grave everytime you’re about to start backbiting. A few moments of pleasure will be replaced by several (hundred? Allahu A’laam) years of punishment.

5. Don’t add salt and pepper and sometimes sugar and masala (hot red pepper!) into stories. Better yet, stop telling each other stories of what happened here and there. If you want to tell stories for educational purposes (for moral), make sure you narrate the story in the same way it was narrated with you. I always hear stories… being passed on (mother to aunt, aunt to mother) and believe me, they REALLY change half the story around.

6. I forgot.

Maybe we should take lessons from men and talk about sports and cars in our gatherings instead. Or cooking and sweing…? Maybe not.